Category: Anxiety

Adventurous sex is no longer taboo or uncommon—on the contrary, it’s actually a perfectly healthy way to explore one’s sexuality, as long as you’re being safe about it.

A particularly popular form of kink is BDSM, which refers to bondage, discipline, sadism, and masochism. Over one-third of women and men in America have explored BDSM, and there is now scientific evidence that proves BDSM can be a healthy part of any relationship. In a recent study, BDSM practitioners were found to be less neurotic, more extroverted, more open to new experiences, more conscientious, and less sensitive to rejection, and they had a higher subjective well-being.

While this is good news, it’s still important to keep in mind some key factors for maintaining your physical and mental health when incorporating BDSM into your sex life, especially if you’re experimenting with it for the first time.

The practice of BDSM physiologically triggers many of the same hormones that sky diving and other extreme sports may invoke. In particular, the stress hormone cortisol is often released, particularly by the receiver of the sensations, which helps to turn off the executive functioning area of the brain leading to feelings of euphoria and increased partner connection.

Heather McPherson, certified sex therapist and CEO of the Sexual Health Alliance (as well as my professional mentor), describes this state as “subspace.” “Subspace is a state that some players attempt to accomplish, where you can tolerate more pain and sensation than usual,” she explains. “Experienced players often call it, ‘flying.'” These are the feelings that often tend to make couples feel more bonded following a session.

Unfortunately, the flip side of this euphoria is all too common in the hours and days following an intense experience, especially for those on the receiving end. For those new to BDSM with a history of anxiety and depression, this is an important fact to keep in mind. In addition to the increase in cortisol, participants have also had an increase in endorphins, which bind to the opiate receptors. The steep drop-off in these chemicals can create a state referred to as the “sub drop.”

Sex therapist and erotica writer Dr. Donna Jennings explains that sub drop follows the “endorphin release after a BDSM scene, where the body works to move back to a normal chemical state.” She says that chemical drop can create both a physical and emotional reaction. Physically, a person can feel fatigue, aches, and pains. Emotionally, McPherson adds, a person can experience a range of emotions including “sadness, numbness, disconnection, guilt, or shame.”

Unfortunately, for those new to BDSM, sub drop can often get misinterpreted and misattributed to other aspects of the participant’s life and relationship.