Neurodiverse Couples Therapy
New research in the last six months disproves past assumptions that neurodiverse people have difficulty communicating. In fact, studies show neurodiverse people understand each other well, in the same way that neurotypical people understand each other.
This is why it is common for neurodiverse individuals to find one another, which is especially true in couples. The most common configuration that we see at Austin Concierge Therapy is the ADHD and ASD pairing. While both partners seem understand each other well most of the time, there are a couple of recuring arguments that I see the most that boil down to a misunderstanding of the other.
One thing I often see get misunderstood by the ADHD partner occurs when plans change, which acts as a trigger for their ASD partner. Usually, the ADHD partner doesn’t understand what the big deal is, and gets frustrated that their ASD partner is ruining the night over nothing. However, if the ADHD partner can begin to understand that their ASD partner just needs a little time and space to get used to the new plan, it can avoid it becoming personal and ruining the night.
Another common misunderstanding that I see in these couples occurs when the ADHD partner is beginning to daydream and imagine something they’re excited about in the future. For instance, the ADHD partner may begin talking about a trip they want to take, elaborating on all the places they want to go, the things they want to see, and restaurants where they want to eat. Meanwhile, their ASD partner is getting increasingly frustrated taking in so many details and eventually speaks up to let their ADHD partner know that they haven’t had a chance to think it through, so they’re not going to agree to any of that. Usually, I see this response frustrate and sometimes deflate the ADHD partner, who has a natural tendency to daydream, often explaining that they were just trying to have fun. However, once the ASD partner begins to understand that the ADHD partner is just imagining something, not committing to it, these conversations get a lot easier.
Other important aspects we talk about in neurodiverse couples is that both have experienced the same underlying trauma, which can be summed up in either feeling like too much or not enough. By understanding they share the same trauma, it can help them recognize when it shows up in each other.
Neurodiverse couples therapy is something we specialize in and are passionate about at Austin Concierge Therapy.
