Part 1: Advice and Techniques for Dealing and Coping with the Narcissist in Your Life

Sara Sloan, LMFT, CST, IRT contributed to Mind Body Green’s article, “How to Deal with the Narcissist in your Life, According to Experts,” originally published on October 20th, 2024. Below is Sloan’s content and article summary.

We hear the term “narcissist” constantly now in the media, and the truth is we all display some narcissistic traits.  However, what separates you from a narcissist is that your traits my show up under duress, or only in certain specific situations, whereas a narcissist’s traits are pathological and operating all the time.

If we examine the traits that define Narcissistic Personality Disorder, they break down into two major types of Narcissism: grandiose/malignant and covert/vulnerable.  Sometimes individuals with these traits may overlap.  In a grandiose/malignant narcissist, they’ll often seek out admiration, always needing to be first and the best in any situation; by comparison, a malignant narcissist seeks your pity, often playing the victim, especially the hero-victim whenever possible.

All narcissists expect special treatment and all have the ability drain the energy from those around them.  Narcissists are emotional vampires, and expert manipulators.  They live in their own reality and expect those around them to conform to it accordingly.  You can tell when a narcissist is trying to pull you into their false version of reality, because it creates an emotional vertigo, which makes it hard to know what to believe.  Narcissists create this confusion in order to gain control of you and any situation.

Other traits you’ll often find in a narcissist include, but certainly aren’t limited to:

1. Narcissists have an exaggerated sense of self, similar to a chihuahua that sees themselves as a doberman
2. Narcissists always speak with conviction, convinced that they’re right, and that they know what they’re talking about
3. Narcissists constantly seek out adoration, attention, sexual attention, and any kind of external validation
4. Narcissists carry a sense of entitlement, which they think should give them special access, special privileges, and the ability to be the exception to any rule.
5. Narcissists are willing to manipulate, exploit, and control others for their own personal gain.
6. Narcissists have grandiose fantasies that place them far above their own abilities in life.  They expect to be the CEO, have the biggest home, or the most attractive wife, etc.  Everything about the narcissist and what they touch or are involved in has to be the best.
7. Narcissists are jealous of those that have more than they do, or those that have something they want for themselves (money, beauty, friends, spouse).  Everything is a competition to the narcissist that they must win.
8. Narcissists use others to advance their own interests.
9. Narcissists use DARVO (Deny, Attack, and Reverse Victim and Offender) in any argument.
10. Narcissists lack self awareness, because they can’t see outside of themselves, their wants, or their desires, and how they effect others around them.
11. Narcissists often blow up and get mean when criticized.

Not all narcissists will have all of these traits, but they should have enough that it negatively impairs their life and their relationships.