Research Shows Narcissistic Abusers Think the Same as Pedophiles
Don Hennessy is a therapist and domestic violence (DV) specialist, who has studied abusive men and their victims for almost forty years in Ireland, where 25% of romantic relationships involve DV. He is currently working on a new book based upon his years of research, which he spoke about on Kerry McAvoy’s Podcast: Breaking Free From Narcissistic Abuse.
In a lot of literature on narcissistic abusive men, there has been a primary focus on their narcissism being the driving force motivating their abuse. Hennessy explains that while these men are narcissistic, narcissism isn’t what drives the abuse — it’s their need to be sexually dominant.
They noticed that as the abusive men began to talk to one another, this made the study more dangerous for their female partners. The reason being, those men who physically abused their partners got in trouble with the law, which held them accountable. In speaking to the other abusers, they learned how to be controlling, manipulative, and bullying in ways that could evade the law. In addition, they noted that so long as the women submitted to them sexually, there was no problem. It was only when the women refused the men’s sexual interest that the abuse picked up.
Hennessy begins by explaining that the first two things abusive men look for in a victim is kindness and honesty. The kindness makes women more likely to give a man the benefit of the doubt, and their honesty makes them unlikely to see the abuse for what it is. They cited that 9 out of 10 autistic girls are sexually assaulted before the age of 18, which illustrates this concept, since many ASD women are both exceptionally kind, honest, and are already part of a vulnerable population.
Hennessy also found that abusive men in his study used the same tactics and showed the same kinds of thinking as pedophiles from an adjacent study out of the UK. Both prioritize sexual access and sexual dominance over their victims. Since pedophiles are all psychopaths, it makes me wonder if NPD abuse stems from psychopathy and sexual entitlement.
He also emphasized that victims in these cases never understood what happened to them, and always blamed themselves. Hennessy sought to answer the question as to how abusers gained intimate access to their victims; they did so by carefully studying what’s important to them, past hurts, and their underlying psychology. After the abusers gained their victims trust, they used their prior knowledge to make victims believe the abuse was their fault.
So, it turns out abusive men and pedophiles operate using the same play book; the only difference between them are the age of their victims.
