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Autism Communication Couples Therapy domestic violence Narcissism Neurodiversity Sex Therapy Therapy • • • • • • • • By Sara Sloan 0 Comments

Research Shows Narcissistic Abusers Think the Same as Pedophiles

Don Hennessy is a therapist and domestic violence (DV) specialist, who has studied abusive men and their victims for almost forty years in Ireland, where 25% of romantic relationships involve DV. He is currently working on a new book based upon his years of research, which he spoke about on Kerry McAvoy’s Podcast: Breaking Free From Narcissistic Abuse.

In a lot of literature on narcissistic abusive men, there has been a primary focus on their narcissism being the driving force motivating their abuse.  Hennessy explains that while these men are narcissistic, narcissism isn’t what drives the abuse — it’s their need to be sexually dominant.

They noticed that as the abusive men began to talk to one another, this made the study more dangerous for their female partners.  The reason being, those men who physically abused their partners got in trouble with the law, which held them accountable.  In speaking to the other abusers, they learned how to be controlling, manipulative, and bullying in ways that could evade the law.  In addition, they noted that so long as the women submitted to them sexually, there was no problem.  It was only when the women refused the men’s sexual interest that the abuse picked up.

Hennessy begins by explaining that the first two things abusive men look for in a victim is kindness and honesty.  The kindness makes women more likely to give a man the benefit of the doubt, and their honesty makes them unlikely to see the abuse for what it is.  They cited that 9 out of 10 autistic girls are sexually assaulted before the age of 18, which illustrates this concept, since many ASD women are both exceptionally kind, honest, and are already part of a vulnerable population.

Hennessy also found that abusive men in his study used the same tactics and showed the same kinds of thinking as pedophiles from an adjacent study out of the UK. Both prioritize sexual access and sexual dominance over their victims. Since pedophiles are all psychopaths, it makes me wonder if NPD abuse stems from psychopathy and sexual entitlement.

He also emphasized that victims in these cases never understood what happened to them, and always blamed themselves.  Hennessy sought to answer the question as to how abusers gained intimate access to their victims; they did so by carefully studying what’s important to them, past hurts, and their underlying psychology.  After the abusers gained their victims trust, they used their prior knowledge to make victims believe the abuse was their fault.

So, it turns out abusive men and pedophiles operate using the same play book; the only difference between them are the age of their victims.

Autoimmune Disease Cancer Communication Confidence Couples Therapy menopause Sex Therapy Stress Therapy • • • • • • • • By Sara Sloan 0 Comments

When Desire No Longer Exists, but You Really Want It to …

Desire can be an illusive thing sometimes in a relationship/marriage.  You  may want to be intimate, but that doesn’t change things, if you’re just not feeling it.

One of the main issues that I see affect desire is poor communication.  If a couple has been fighting , it creates a distance between the individuals that can make it hard to want to be intimate. If they haven’t learned how to repair after a rupture, resentment often builds up over time, to the point where most couples don’t know how to reach each other anymore.

Desire can often become an issue anytime a couple is unable to be intimate for a prolonged period of time, which could be a couple of weeks for some, or a few months for others. These breaks often throw a couple out of their routine.  In addition, many people see their sexual appetite lessen the longer they abstain from intimacy.  I see this during or after pregnancy, in the first few years of having a child, or after a prolonged illness.  This can also occur when an elderly parent comes to stay in the home, or when an adult child moves back into the home.

Another common time I see desire drop away is when there’s been physical pain with sex.  If something hurts, you’re not going to have much desire to do it again.  Many will often push through the pain, which  unfortunately has the tendency to make one’s lack of interest in sex worse, especially in women.

Sometimes when there is a desire discrepancy in the couple, the partner with the higher desire is always asking for their needs to be met, which makes the lower desire partner the gatekeeper. This is terrible for both partners, because the one always saying ’no’ often feels guilty and begins to push away from any form of affection, in order to avoid saying ‘no.’ As affection disappears, there becomes even less opportunity for the couple to be successful in intimacy, because affection is often what leads up to it.

For couples where one of them has had a prolonged illness, there can be a couple of factors getting in the way of intimacy.  The partner who has been ill may feel betrayed by their body, so being intimate no longer feels safe.  If there have been significant changes in the physical appearance of their body, they may no longer feel confident or safe enough to feel sexual.  For the caretaker, it can be hard for them to move out of this role; they may also have fear around accidentally hurting their partner.

Financial struggles  create another instance where intimacy can fall away in a relationship.  Money represents safety and security for most, so when finances become strained, the fear often kills the libido.

The therapists at Austin Concierge Therapy understand how to work with all of these scenarios and more.  Our goal is to help couples regain their intimacy, through rebuilding attachment, communication, and connection.

ADHD Autism Couples Therapy divorce Neurodiversity Sex Therapy Therapy • • • • • • • By Sara Sloan 0 Comments

Neurodiverse Couples Therapy

New research in the last six months disproves past assumptions that neurodiverse people have difficulty communicating.  In fact, studies show neurodiverse people understand each other well, in the same way that neurotypical people understand each other.

This is why it is common for neurodiverse individuals to find one another, which is especially true in couples. The most common configuration that we see at Austin Concierge Therapy is the ADHD and ASD pairing.  While both partners seem understand each other well most of the time, there are a couple of recuring arguments that I see the most that boil down to a misunderstanding of the other.

One thing I often see get misunderstood by the ADHD partner occurs when plans change, which acts as a trigger for their ASD partner.  Usually, the ADHD partner doesn’t understand what the big deal is, and gets frustrated that their ASD partner is ruining the night over nothing.  However, if the ADHD partner can begin to understand that their ASD partner just needs a little time and space to get used to the new plan, it can avoid it becoming personal and ruining the night.

Another common misunderstanding that I see in these couples occurs when the ADHD partner is beginning to daydream and  imagine something they’re excited about in the future.  For instance, the ADHD partner may begin talking about a trip they want to take, elaborating on all the places they want to go, the things they want to see, and restaurants where they want to eat.  Meanwhile, their ASD partner is getting increasingly frustrated taking in so many details and eventually speaks up to let their ADHD partner know that they haven’t had a chance to think it through, so they’re not going to agree to any of that.  Usually, I see this response frustrate and sometimes deflate the ADHD partner, who has a natural tendency to daydream, often explaining that they were just trying to have fun.  However, once the ASD partner begins to understand that the ADHD partner is just imagining something, not committing to it, these conversations get a lot easier.

Other important aspects we talk about in neurodiverse couples is that both have experienced the same underlying trauma, which can be summed up in either feeling like too much or not enough.  By understanding they share the same trauma, it can help them recognize when it shows up in each other.

Neurodiverse couples therapy is something we specialize in and are passionate about at Austin Concierge Therapy.

Anxiety Couples Therapy Depression Individual Treatment Ketamine Assisted Therapy Psychedelics Sex Therapy • • • • • • By Sara Sloan 0 Comments

Resources and Literature about Ketamine Assisted Psychotherapy and Psychedelics

Ketamine Assisted Psychotherapy: A Systematic Narrative Review of the Literature: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC9207256/

The New Yorker: Ketamine therapy is going mainstream. Are we ready? https://www.newyorker.com/culture/annals-of-inquiry/ketamine-therapy-is-going-mainstream-are-we-ready

The New York Times Podcast: “The Veterans Fighting to Legalize Psychedelics” https://www.nytimes.com/2023/02/22/podcasts/the-daily/veterans-psychedelics-legalization.html

The Harvard Gazette: “Ketamine found effective in treating severe depression” https://news.harvard.edu/gazette/story/2023/05/ketamine-found-effective-in-treatment-resistant-depression/

Johns Hopkins Psychedelic Research https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/psychiatry/research/psychedelics-research

Michael Pollan “How to Change Your Mind” ( book and Netflix Series) https://michaelpollan.com/books/how-to-change-your-mind/

https://www.netflix.com/title/80229847

Gabor Mate “Psychedelics in the Treatment of Trauma” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SOGTqVt0dlQ

“The Myth of Normal” https://www.amazon.com/Myth-Normal-Illness-Healing-Culture/dp/1785042726/ref=asc_df_1785042726/?tag=hyprod-20&linkCode=df0&hvadid=622500525054&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=13225712727406116208&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=c&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9028298&hvtargid=pla-1296869923417&psc=1&mcid=e0096839455a38888cad99362de55928&gclid=CjwKCAiAiP2tBhBXEiwACslfnrnhWT0XpXjlBVuVba-oQ5VIdklWj0qp-LaXK1jK-CCuEtpUxwuq0xoCDwEQAvD_BwE

Bessel van der Kolk “Childhood Trauma, Psychedelics & EMDR”  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XIH5taudtH0

Penn Medicine News “Penn Medicine Study Gives Peek of How Ketamine Acts as ‘Switch’ in the Brain” https://www.pennmedicine.org/news/news-releases/2022/december/a-peek-of-how-ketamine-acts-as-switch-in-the-brain

CNN “ How psilocybin, the psychedelic in mushrooms, may rewire the brain to ease depression, anxiety and more” https://www.cnn.com/2022/06/11/health/psilocybin-brain-changes-life-itself-wellness-scn/index.html

Stanford Medical School “Psychedelics” https://med.stanford.edu/spsg/about.html

Ketamine Research Institute “5 amazing things you need to know about ketamine infusion therapy” (anti-inflamatory, autoimmune treatment, reduce stress response and increase immune function, brain regeneration, Long haul COVID, addiction recovery)  https://ketamineinstitute.com/ketamine-blog-news-and-recent-developments/5-amazing-things-you-need-to-know-about-ketamine-infusion-therapy/

Ketamine as a treatment for PTSD (Research article) https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6457782/

MDMA for Couples Therapy (research article) https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8631777/

Time Magazine “MDMA could Revolutionize Couples Therapy” https://time.com/6262291/psychedelics-mdma-couples-therapy/

Vice: “Couples Are Doing MDMA and Ketamine Therapy To Save Their Relationships”

https://www.vice.com/en/article/5d9yg5/ketamine-mdma-couples-therapy

Anxiety Depression Ketamine Assisted Therapy Psychedelics Sex Therapy Stress Therapy • • • • • • • By Sara Sloan 0 Comments

Austin Concierge Therapy offers Ketamine Assisted Therapy with Texas Direct Medical

Austin Concierge Therapy and Texas Direct Medical Care are working together now to provide ketamine assisted therapy to our clients. Ketamine is a drug that was previously approved by the FDA as an anesthetic to treat soldiers on the battlefields in Vietnam in 1970.  So, it’s been around a long time.  Over the years, ketamine has become routinely used as a sedative in emergency rooms worldwide, and has more recently been found to aid in helping alleviate suicidality when combined with psychotherapy.

The shift to using ketamine in psychedelic assisted therapy began in 1999, following a study done by the Yale School of Medicine.  This landmark study showed unequivocally ketamine’s ability to shift one’s mood towards more positive thinking following its administration.  A number of subsequent studies followed that confirmed ketamine’s tremendous ability to treat depression, suicidality, and PTSD.  Ketamine has also been shown to improve addiction, chronic pain, OCD, and bipolar.

Since 2010, doctors have been prescribing ketamine in low doses to people with treatment resistant depression, but it may only be administered in the presence of a licensed physician.

The most recent research is showing that intravenous or intramuscular administration provides the best outcome, when using ketamine in psychedelic assisted therapy. The way ketamine works is similar to what we’ve learned about MDMA and psilocybin; Ketamine administration “rapidly increases the number, complexity, and strength of connections between neurons, and this effect appears to be directly correlated with its antidepressant benefit,” said Dr. Kelley O’Donnell, a psychiatrist who studies and provides psychedelic-assisted psychotherapy at New York University’s Langone Center for Psychedelic Medicine.

The belief is that ketamine, similar to studies on psilocybin, helps generate new connections between neurons that have been lost over time as a result of depression. We do know that ketamine causes a boost in the neurotransmitter, glutamate. Glutamate is known to stimulate new communication between brain cells that might have been damaged by stress and depression.

Ketamine used for depression is administered twice a week for three weeks, then once a month or as needed after that.  Ketamine, like other psychedelics, also gives clients the ability to look at and examine trauma that may be too painful to bring up initially in talk therapy.  In the same way that ketamine can anesthetize the body, it can do the same for the mind, which makes it much easier to re-process trauma with your therapist in order to get to the root of the depression.

Anxiety Depression Individual Treatment Self-improvement Stress Therapy Uncategorized • • • • • • By Sara Sloan 0 Comments

Working with Intergenerational Trauma and Epigenetics in Therapy

Sara Sloan, LMFT, CST, IRT contributed to Zocdoc’s article, “What is Intergenerational Trauma,” originally published on October 20th, 2024. Below is Sloan’s new content and article summary.

Intergenerational Trauma is something you’ve probably heard about recently in the news.  There have been more studies in the last year, that show directly how parents’ trauma is able to leave biological traces in their children. In particular, research has shown how the father’s trauma is passed on to the child through the sperm.  Meanwhile, scientists have found that a mother’s trauma is associated with changes in mitochondrial bioenergetics.

This is important in therapy, because there are rare occasions where you’ll find a classic trauma response in a client with no past trauma or memory attached, as well as nothing medically to explain it.  It could show up as anxiety or unexplained fear, or it might look like depression, or re-occuring nightmares. This can happen in lineages of those who have had parents, grandparents, or even great-grandparents that survived a war or genocide.

If we think back to the original rat study, female rats were given the smell of roses, before receiving an electric shock.  This happened a number of times, until the smell of roses elicited a fear response in the rats, even without the electric shock.  These same rat’s children and grand children continued to show physiological signs of fear and anxiety with the smell of roses, even though none of the following generations had experienced the smell of roses paired with an electric shock.

We see heightened anxiety and a direct link to changes in cortisol for children with one or both parents who had experienced the Holocaust.  You can see the same thing happening in those with Native Lineages that experienced the Indian Boarding Schools.  These changes in epigenetics affect following generations mental and physical health due to events that happened before they were born.

New research shows that psychedelics may be one way to help reverse epigenetic trauma.  One study completed on ayahuasca, found it works directly on the Sigma-1 receptor (SIGMAR1), which helps regulate traumatic memories and cellular stress associated with PTSD.  Ayahuasca showed notable results by providing a decrease in the methylation of SIGMAR1, which translates to higher gene expression.  These changes improve PTSD and anxiety by strengthening cellular stress resilience, reducing neuroinflammation, and stabilizing fear circuitry, while enhancing the neuroplasticity needed for trauma reconstruction.

Other ways we’ve leaned to work with lineage trauma that doesn’t have a core memory attached is through hypnotherapy, ketamine assisted therapy, EMDR, and somatic experiencing.  In therapy, you can focus on the feelings to help process them, even if you’re unsure where they’d originated.

epigenetic trama

Couples Therapy divorce Individual Treatment Infidelity Narcissism • • • • • • By Sara Sloan 0 Comments

Advice on Divorcing a Narcissist

Divorcing a narcissist is brutal, there’s really no way around it.  Divorce often destabilizes the narcissist’s fragile sense of self, which can sometimes result in a narcissistic collapse, which is dangerous for their partner.  If it’s possible, it can be good to see if you can get the narcissist’s buy in, so that eventually they may believe the divorce was their idea. Narcissists can’t handle the rejection, which will make you enemy number one.  They often split on people, similar to borderline personality disorder, where the narcissist turns their partner from all good to all bad.  In other words, you’re either for them or against them, they can’t tolerate anything in the middle.

So, before letting the narcissist know your plans, it’s best to get ahead of things.  It’s important to make sure you have the money ready for first and last months rent way before you need it, as well as money to retain a good divorce attorney that is well versed in narcissism, as well as any incidentals, until you can get temporary orders in place.

If you own property/a home together, do not be the first one to move out, otherwise many states may consider that abandonment, which could cost you in the long run. If you need to move out due to domestic violence (DV), make sure you log any past DV with a family doctor or law enforcement.  This evidence will be important to you, especially if you go to court.

Take care of any family heirlooms or other sentimental pieces.  Move them out of the home and into a safe place, so the narcissist can’t retaliate by destroying them.  It’s not uncommon in divorcing a narcissist, for them to try to take or destroy anything you care about, simply so you don’t get to have it.

If you have children, make sure you find  a good family therapist that is familiar with narcissism and isn’t afraid to take sides in court.  Many therapists refuse to take sides, which allows the court to assume both sides are equal, which down plays the reality of the situation.  Unfortunately, many therapists fear a narcissist’s retaliation, which is not unfounded.

A good rule of thumb is to delete anything on your phone or any other electronic device that you don’t want being read aloud in court, because once you’ve filed for divorce, deleting information after filing can get you in trouble with the judge.

It’s important that you get copies of your past tax returns and any other financial information before you file, so that money doesn’t disappear without a history to track it.

If you suspect your narcissistic partner is cheating, or if they’ve accused you of cheating, it’s worth checking your bank statements for evidence. It’s incredibly common for narcissistic men to go to strip clubs, massage parlors with happy endings, sugar babies and sex workers in general.  To catch this, look for sums of $200, $1000, and $2000, usually pulled from an ATM usually after midnight or 2:00am.  Then, call the number attached to find the location of the ATM, which will often be at the establishment in question (strip club, massage parlor, hotel). If you can prove that the funds were used for one of these purposes, the money spent will go into your financial column at the end of the divorce.

Make sure that if you have to cohabitate for any period of time after deciding to divorce, sleep with a good lock on your door.  Domestic violence is most likely to happen during this period, before you’ve fully separated.  It’s not worth the risk. If the narcissist tries to break down the door, immediately call 911, so there will be a record of this behavior.  A witness is necessary.  Otherwise, if there isn’t concrete evidence (like a recording, an email, or a third party reference), it didn’t happen according to family court.

Couples Therapy Infidelity Narcissism Stress Therapy • • • • • By Sara Sloan 0 Comments

Part 3: Advice and Techniques for Understanding and Coping with the Narcissist in Your Life

Sara Sloan, LMFT, CST, IRT contributed to Mind Body Green’s article, “How to Deal with the Narcissist in your Life, According to Experts,” originally published on October 20th, 2024. Below is Sloan’s content and article summary.

Narcissistic relationships in the devaluation phase can end at any moment.  So, the best thing you can do is to begin to create a safety net for yourself for when the end occurs.  The more you can educate yourself on narcissism, the easier it will be to understand what will come next, as well as what you’ve been through.

Unfortunately, the narcissist often has a sixth sense for when you’re done.  Sometimes they will lean back into the love bombing stage in order to pull you back into the relationship.  So, if you’d been begging them to take a trip, they’ll book a romantic vacation to Tahiti.  If you’ve been begging them for intimacy, you’ll suddenly be having sex again every night.  If they catch on that you’re out, they’ll do anything to reel you back in.

Once they feel unstable, though, many narcissists will begin to plan their exit at your expense.  Narcissists are unable to be alone, so they will get on the dating apps without telling you.  Sometimes you’ll learn that the narcissist has been cheating throughout the entire relationship, which is often the case, even though they will tell you otherwise. Narcissists need supply and you will never be enough, because no one will be enough to fill the empty hole inside them.

Usually, the narcissist will begin a smear campaign against you, before you know what’s happening. They will employ people close to you to keep tabs on what you’re doing, which we often refer to as “Flying Monkeys.”  They will talk to your friends, their friends, anyone they worry about their opinion, to make sure their story is the dominant one.  Many will cry crocodile tears to others and blame their behavior on you.  So if they were the one that cheated, they will accuse you of being the cheater.

Once they begin their attack, the best thing you can do is grey rock.  Grey rocking means going flat, showing no emotion, saying as few words as possible.  The feed on the emotions they create, so don’t give it to them. Remember, never feed the emotional vampires!

If you have shared housing with the narcissist, make sure you have a place to stay and escape to, if things get bad. Once things are over, you’ll often see a side of the narcissist that you’ve never encountered.  That alone can be so startling, it often makes you question yourself, which is exactly what they want.

If you’ve been sharing a bank account, make sure you open one in your name, and get a credit card of your own.  It’s also important to run a credit check, because oftentimes narcissists may have opened cards in your name.

Make sure you explain to your friends and family what’s been going on.  Don’t feel ashamed, narcissists can trick even the best therapists when they put on their charm.  You were chosen by the narcissist because of how amazing you are, so don’t allow the narcissist to make you question your value.

The best thing you can do once you realize you’re with a narcissist is to prepare to leave by gettin your finances in order, letting your support circle know what’s going on, and finding a therapist skilled in narcissistic abuse recovery.

 

Couples Therapy Narcissism Self-improvement Stress Therapy • • • By Sara Sloan 0 Comments

Part 2: Advice and Techniques for Understanding and Coping with the Narcissist in Your Life

Sara Sloan, LMFT, CST, IRT contributed to Mind Body Green’s article, “How to Deal with the Narcissist in your Life, According to Experts,” originally published on October 20th, 2024. Below is Sloan’s content and article summary.

Narcissistic Personality Disorder often follows a predictable trajectory in relationships.  However, if you’re in a relationship with a narcissist, the experience can feel a lot like emotional vertigo due to their always pulling you into their delusion or point of view.  Narcissists generally view their partner as their thing, something to be used for their benefit.  Love often gets exchanged with power and control, when you’re in a narcissistic relationship; this is why over time, the narcissistic partner begins to isolate you from your friends and family.  The narcissist wants to be the only influence in your life.

In the very beginning of a narcissistic relationship, it often feels like a dream come true.  Many people believe they’ve met their soul mate.  Oftentimes, this is because the narcissist believes it with such conviction, you begin to believe it, too.  This initial stage in the relationship is referred to as the “love bombing” stage.  Here, the narcissist often reflects your image back to you, allowing you to essentially fall in love with the qualities you care most about your self.

Once you’ve fallen in love with the narcissist, that’s when things begin to change.  Narcissists aren’t able to keep up with the demands of a real relationship, so that’s usually when the devaluation process begins.  Narcissists often pick partners who have everything they don’t.  Usually their partners are hyper-empathetic, intelligent, fun, and well loved by others.  Subconsciously, the narcissist hopes to gain these qualities through partnership for themselves; so when that doesn’t occur, they begin to pick apart the very qualities they loved in the beginning.  For instance, if you were the life of the party, the narcissist might begin to complain that you’re “too loud,” or they might turn a compliment into an insult, “you have too many friends.”

During the devaluation stage, the narcissist will try to destroy the qualities that most define you. They’ll play games, often refusing intimacy when you want it, or demanding it when you don’t.  They will begin to ruin important events where they aren’t the center of attention.  For instance, they might call off Christmas due to a petty argument they initiated, or they might intentionally sabotage your birthday.  Narcissists are incapable of allowing anyone else to share the spot light.

Narcissists often end up creating trauma around the holidays for their spouse and family members, as well as any other important day that doesn’t center around the narcissist.  They take pleasure in destroying things that matter to others, because it makes the narcissist feel powerful and in control.

Narcissists are sadists.  An obvious tell of the narcissist’s sadism can be seen in their facial expressions when they’re hurting others.  Oftentimes, narcissists can’t help but grin, when they’re cutting you down, or breaking up with you.  They often become cruel when feeling challenged.  One example of this could be you getting a raise, which gives you a higher salary than the narcissist, which hurts their ego; so to punish you, the narcissist will pick a fight about how you work too much at your celebratory dinner.

Overtime, you’ll see the abuse cycle begin. Narcissists often pull from the various abuses found in the Wheel of Power and Control.  If you recognize any of these behaviors in your relationship, it is abusive and you should leave, because it always gets worse.  Domestic violence never moves backwards, it only becomes more extreme and dangerous.

If you continue to stay with the narcissist, they will cause you brain damage.  The constant gaslighting, lying, and DARVO-ing, and their unpredictability causes narcissistic abuse victims’ brains to look similar to someone with borderline personality disorder; this is because narcissistic abuse makes the amygdala (fight, flight or freeze) becomes over reactive, while the hippocampus (logical and reasoning center) begins to atrophy the longer you stay in the relationship.

Individual Treatment Narcissism Stress • • • By Sara Sloan 0 Comments

Part 1: Advice and Techniques for Dealing and Coping with the Narcissist in Your Life

Sara Sloan, LMFT, CST, IRT contributed to Mind Body Green’s article, “How to Deal with the Narcissist in your Life, According to Experts,” originally published on October 20th, 2024. Below is Sloan’s content and article summary.

We hear the term “narcissist” constantly now in the media, and the truth is we all display some narcissistic traits.  However, what separates you from a narcissist is that your traits my show up under duress, or only in certain specific situations, whereas a narcissist’s traits are pathological and operating all the time.

If we examine the traits that define Narcissistic Personality Disorder, they break down into two major types of Narcissism: grandiose/malignant and covert/vulnerable.  Sometimes individuals with these traits may overlap.  In a grandiose/malignant narcissist, they’ll often seek out admiration, always needing to be first and the best in any situation; by comparison, a malignant narcissist seeks your pity, often playing the victim, especially the hero-victim whenever possible.

All narcissists expect special treatment and all have the ability drain the energy from those around them.  Narcissists are emotional vampires, and expert manipulators.  They live in their own reality and expect those around them to conform to it accordingly.  You can tell when a narcissist is trying to pull you into their false version of reality, because it creates an emotional vertigo, which makes it hard to know what to believe.  Narcissists create this confusion in order to gain control of you and any situation.

Other traits you’ll often find in a narcissist include, but certainly aren’t limited to:

  1. Narcissists have an exaggerated sense of self, similar to a chihuahua that sees themselves as a doberman
  2. Narcissists always speak with conviction, convinced that they’re right, and that they know what they’re talking about
  3. Narcissists constantly seek out adoration, attention, sexual attention, and any kind of external validation
  4. Narcissists carry a sense of entitlement, which they think should give them special access, special privileges, and the ability to be the exception to any rule.
  5. Narcissists are willing to manipulate, exploit, and control others for their own personal gain.
  6. Narcissists have grandiose fantasies that place them far above their own abilities in life.  They expect to be the CEO, have the biggest home, or the most attractive wife, etc.  Everything about the narcissist and what they touch or are involved in has to be the best.
  7. Narcissists are jealous of those that have more than they do, or those that have something they want for themselves (money, beauty, friends, spouse).  Everything is a competition to the narcissist that they must win.
  8. Narcissists use others to advance their own interests.
  9. Narcissists use DARVO (Deny, Attack, and Reverse Victim and Offender) in any argument.
  10. Narcissists lack self awareness, because they can’t see outside of themselves, their wants, or their desires, and how they effect others around them.
  11. Narcissists often blow up and get mean when criticized.

Not all narcissists will have all of these traits, but they should have enough that it negatively impairs their life and their relationships.

Research Shows Narcissistic Abusers Think the Same as Pedophiles

Don Hennessy is a therapist and domestic violence (DV) specialist, who has studied abusive men and their victims for almost …

When Desire No Longer Exists, but You Really Want It to …

Desire can be an illusive thing sometimes in a relationship/marriage.  You  may want to be intimate, but that doesn’t …

Neurodiverse Couples Therapy

New research in the last six months disproves past assumptions that neurodiverse people have difficulty communicating.  …